Late Christmas Greeting

Luke 2:10-14
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in clothes and lying in a manger." 
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."


As I sit here enjoying my hot chocolate, I am reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas. How blessed we were the day a savior came to earth. He lived a sinless life so that one day we can go and be with Him and our Father in heaven.

Christmas is over. We are back home from visiting family. It is quiet since I am the only one up. Daisy is curled up on the floor by my couch. Laundry has been started. Email has been checked. Blogs have been read. Hot chocolate is being enjoyed. I will soon make a trip to the grocery store. I will look up things to make with my new green, enamel covered, cast iron dutch oven. :) I will vacuum and dust the house and I will clean our bathroom. I will relax. I will meet with friends for Mexican food tonight.

I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas.

I look forward to 2013! Excited for the changes that will take place and the adventures that will be had!

Be blessed!
I love you.
Audra

I LOVE my Job!

I am so blessed to love my job. I know it doesn't pay well and requires no actual skills, but I LOVE it.

I love the hours I work. Monday-Friday 4:15am-10:45am. Soon, I will be working even better hours. Monday-Friday 8am-1pm! Those are the best hours ever!!! I can sleep in until 5:30-6, (Ya, that is sleeping in for me.) work out, shower, eat breakfast and then go to work. To be off at 1 o'clock is fantastic! I can still do errands and clean and cook. (Not saying those will actually get done, I just have time to do them!)

I love what I do. I check ID's, keep the facility clean, wash and fold the towels, and most importantly, sit there and look pretty. =D

My FAVORITE part of my job though is the patrons. In the early mornings we have PT groups that come in. They call me ma'am and I actually like it. The mid-morning crew that comes in from 8-10 are my favorite. These are the retires who know my name and I know theirs. They tell me stories about the military back in the day, or their grandchildren, or talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. They also tell me I'm awfully nice to look at. I have received 2 marriage proposals. Though I know they are completely joking, I love it. I can totally be won over with flattery.

Today was my very favorite patrons birthday. Mr. Eddie. He turned 72 today. We were talking last week about how we are just a week apart and our numbers are flip-flopped this years. He is 72 and I will be 27. He comes in every Tuesday and Friday. Those are my favorite days to work. He likes to complain about this and that as a typical older person, but he is just a nice guy. I got him a birthday card today and I know he loved it. He gave me a sincere thanks and said that he loved me. Then he said if anything ever happend to my husband, he would swoop in for the steal. Ha! It made me happy to let him know that he is special to me.

It is amazing that just a year ago, doing the same thing at another facility, I was miserable. I know that life has its ups and downs and I'm thankful that I'm in an up season. I hope that you are in an up season, and if not, don't worry, it's coming.

I love you guys. Have a great weekend!

Catch a Smile, Pass a Smile

With the Holidays comes added stress. Traffic, not finding a parking space, long lines, how you are going to fit everything into the day. Well right now, I just want you to take a deep breath. Just breathe. Everything will be ok. You are alive, healthy, and blessed.

I have heard that kindess breeds kindness and hatred breeds hate. Moods are contagious. What mood are you passing on to others? I'm not saying be fake. You are all aware of my days. I'm just asking are you aware of how you make others feel? All too often, I am not. I mostly care about what is in it for me. How can you make ME feel better.

This video is about actions, small gestures of kindness. It requires no money to be kind. No one has to be nice to you first. No one even has to be nice to you after you do something nice. Being kind for the sake of being kind, without credit. Doing the right thing when no one is looking. Letting someone in front of you. Opening the door for someone. Paying for the person behind you at the drive-thru. Being patient with those retail workers who don't understand. Letting first world problems go to look at the big picture. Are you "just venting" or are you stirring the pot? Next time someone urks you, remember that your reaction and mood are visible and can be contagious. Do you like what you are passing on?

I don't want to be a pot stirrer anymore. I want to start being a person who lifts others up. I want to do it sincerely. I want to wear kindness around my neck.

Proverbs 3:3 Do not let kindess and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart

Tis the Season to be Jolly!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

My last post was pretty much a crapper. Sorry bout that. I'm human and have my days...or weeks. Sometimes I feel I should filter my posts more and other times I am glad that I am an open book. One of my pet peeves is people thinking they have to be a super-person doing it all and keeping it all together. I realize that is what we do with strangers. Friends and family on the other hand are there to support and sometimes guide you. I feel you have to allow yourself to lose it so that someone else can be there for you. Sometimes you have to let go so that God has room to show up. He won't just push his way in. He is patient. He will allow you to stumble and fall, not to cause you pain, but to let you grow. You know how your dad had to let go of the bike for you to learn how to ride it. I think it's like that. Even when dad lets go he is still close by; if you fall he is the first one there to help you back up. I thank you guys for your understanding and love.

There are some exciting things going on in the world. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Katherine, are expecting a baby! I'm so excited about it. I am such a girly girl at heart and love fairy tales and princesses. I'm excited for this royal baby!

Spoiler alert! Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite shows. (My mom wouldn't approve of this show since it seems the whole hospital is sleeping around, but it is a guilty pleasure of mine.) Meredith Grey is finally pregnant! Her character adopted last season or the season before because she has a "hostile uterus." I was so happy for them when I watched the last episode. I started crying and this is a fictional show!

The best one yet though is my cousin! My cousin, (who I won't say since I didn't get permission to blog about her!) just announced that she is pregnant yesterday! She and her sister have always been the epitome of cool to me. It may have something to do with me being the youngest cousin on that side of the family, so i naturally just looked up to them. I doubt it though. I think it has more to do with the awesomeness that runs in our genes. Anyways, Congratulations cousin! I'm thrilled for you guys and love you!

I'm wishing for this month to hurry until we go home for Christmas, then I will want it to slow down. I know we were just there for Thanksgiving but I miss my family. My mom always makes it special for me. My birthday is the 21st and I love having it so close to Christmas, especially since we are usually home for it. I know I probably ruined birthdays for my brothers since they had to make birthdays equal for us. We would get one small gift and dinner of our choice. Dinner could be at a restaurant or something homemade. Last year we went to this old time place in Kentucky where they dress up from pioneer days. They deck that place out for Christmas! They also have some mean pork chops. This year though, I think I want something homemade. Thank goodness I still have time to decide! My mom is da bomb in the kitchen. I feel loved when I eat food that she has made. She puts thought into the menu and time into preparing and love into the making. Ahhhhhhh! I'm so excited to go home! I can't wait!

Have a great week guys! I love you!

Ready for My Miracle

I have a lot to be Thankful for. However, I'm feeling toxic in my thoughts right now and want to get them out so I will get past them more quickly. I will pass them onto you so you can be the toxic one. I'm nice like that. 

I want a baby. I don't want to be patient. I don't want to get on facebook right now because yet another round of pregnancies are being announced. I know there are probably more who are waiting until Christmas to announce because that is a fun way to announce it. I know that because that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to have a pregnant Halloween costume. I wanted to announce it at Thanksgiving that I am thankful I am going to be a mommy, the way my sister-in-laws did so many Thanksgivings ago. I could still get pregnant by Christmas, but I wouldn't be far enough along to want to announce it to the world. 

I think the part that stings the most about these folks who are pregnant is they are younger than me, or not married, or just got married, or just started trying and the next day, surprise! 

Since it is technically James' account I have no reason to be on there anyway. I am though because if not I miss out on all the good stuff like pregnancy announcements! 

I hid one girl who was a former student of his. She was pregnant and it was all she would post about. "Me and so and so are having a baby!" "Oh! the baby is hungry, I have to feed him." "Not feeling well cause the little guy is making me sick" On, and on, and on, and on. Shut up. You're pregnant, I'm not. I don't like you right now.

When we go home someone always asks, "When are you guys going to have a baby?" I guess they don't realize we have been trying for the past 4 years. 

I don't mind telling people all of my business, as you can tell from this blog. There is just a time and place for crap like that and a family dinner where the baby of a teenage cousin being passed around is not that time. I also love how that teenage mother said "Shoot, I'll give you my eggs!" I have never mentioned to her or her mother anything other than, "We are trying."  Besides, the doctor loves my eggs. I have a lot of them and they all look good. Take That! Having a baby is more complicated than good eggs. 

Each and every human being is a miracle. You don't realize how much detail and how perfect the timing has to be when having a baby comes natural to you. There is only a 24 hour window when it happens. Sure there is like a 72 hour "layover" for things to get right, but only a 24 hour window for that miracle to take place. 

I'm ready for my miracle.

Well, now that I have left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. I am going to go for a walk and listen to praise music. Put on the garment of praise so I don't have to wear a mask of happiness. 

Isaiah 61:3 To consol those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. 

Lord, if anything can come out of this struggle, may you be glorified. If I am never meant to become a mother, give me peace. If James is never meant to become a father, give him peace. If the time is yet again, "not now," let it not hurt so much. I know that every good an perfect gift comes from you. Help me to focus on the other gifts you have given me and not have tunnel vision for something that you might not have in store for me. I don't want to be bitter or toxic. You are an awesome God and I thank you for saving me and getting me through this time. I don't want to just get through. I want to praise though. Thank you for being my constant. 

Fire Rising

Psalm 3:3  But you, O Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high.

I really cherish my sunday morning walks. It is a time where I don't worry about my pace. I just turn on praise and worship music and walk. (Last Sunday I walked/ran with my brother. It was some great and much needed sibling bonding time.)

This past week we didn't get the news we were hoping for fertility wise. We were hoping to see a change but it stayed the same. We are going to continue for another couple of months before we meet with the doctor again to discuss further options.

This song came on.

I just felt something that can't be explained rise up in me. I felt a call to action. I'm not sure what that call is. I don't know what God has planned for me, but i feel He wants me to get ready.

When this song came on I lost it.

I started running and sobbing at the chorus. I have no idea what is going on inside myself. As tears were streaming down my face I was just praying for God to use me in whatever way he needs me. I released those held back tears. There is something bigger than me going on and I want to be part of it. I am no longer who I once was. God is making me into a warrior.

I feel stronger physically. I am setting and reaching goals I never thought possible. I have always felt that people underestimate me. Turns out that I am the one who underestimated myself.

I have this desire to be stronger spiritually. I don't know where I'm going. I only know that for me it starts with praise. Over this next year I want to learn the spiritual truths of who I am in Christ. That is my goal. To find out who I am. Right now I am a broken mess, but I feel this fire rising.

Journey to Healthy

                                                         

                                                                           

                                                           

Well I can't figure out how to do side by side crops on iphoto and picasa takes too long so you have to compare them like this.

The before photos were taken on June 24 2012. I weighed in at 189. The after photos were taken October 21st 2012. I weighed in at 165. 

My neck measures the same, I lost 1/4 an inch on the bust, 1 inch at the waist, 1 1/2 inches on the hips, 3 1/2 inches on my thighs, and 1 inch on my arms. Measurements are from July 24-October 21st. (We didn't get proper measurements in June.) 

This picture was at my best friends wedding in May. I was my heaviest at 196.

This picture is more recent, I was feeling cute before work and snapped it to send James. I am about 167 here. 

I did this the hard way. I cut out a lot of carbs, pasta, potatoes, bread. I have PCOS which affects insulin levels, so I need to cut out those things. I exercise at least 5 days a week. I walk a lot. I try to go to a spin class twice a week. I recently started working with a trainer for strength training. I eat lots of protein and veggies. I first got started with DDP Yoga. (google it) I don't keep up with the yoga so much anymore, but if its raining outside then I'll do it. Everything I do is low impact. I don't run. I don't kill myself but I really work at it. I sweat my butt off. It's been hard, but it is working. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. :)

Let Go

During this mornings walk I was thinking about this season in my life, particularly my marriage. I am truly blessed. When James and I got married we were 19 year old kids. Now almost 27 we have come a long way. I can truly say that James is my best friend. I don't think I would have said that just 3 years ago. I never really liked those wedding decorations that say, "Today I will marry my best friend." I think I didn't like them out of jealousy. I wanted James to be my best friend, but he wasn't. We have had to learn each other and grow. Growing is usually pretty hard. It requires work, time, energy, thought.

One of the things that I used to do was nit-pick. Over everything! I can't even imagine what it was like to live with me. I do my best to let small things go now. It's just not worth it. I think the most harming thing that I did those first years of marriage was talking negatively about James to my friends. Again, this was all the time. You would have thought that I hated the man that I married and wondered why we were married. I was toxic to our marriage. Sure he wasn't perfect, the thing is, he never claimed to be. I on the other hand was the one who was really tearing us apart.

One day he made the comment that we were closer to being divorced than we were to being happily married. I was shocked. Looking back I don't know why I was so shocked. I guess just hearing it out loud was enough for me. I decided to go to counseling by myself. At first all I did was bash my husband yet again to someone else, all of our relationship issues were his fault. The counselor pretty much just gave me some communication tools and that was it. It helped for a little while.

I don't think that I really changed my tune until recently. I can't even tell you what the turning point was. I read a couple of books. "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley Jr, and "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches. They helped some.

I think it comes down to the grace of God. I got tired of being full of unforgiveness, negative thoughts, and resentment. I realized that James is a really great man. He is a man of good character. He has a big heart. We aren't those 19 year old kids anymore.

I complement him all the time now. I have never been more physically attracted to him. I tell him he is a good man, that I respect him. I love to hear what he has to say. I don't speak negatively about him. It is honestly hard for me to think of something bad to say about him. He talks to me, takes me fishing, the way that he looks at me is just amazing. I feel so loved and wanted. It's all I could ever ask for. I am truly blessed and I know it.

This was the song that I was listening to when all these thoughts came into my head.

Made for More

Most Saturday mornings I go to a spin class. I love it when Ira teaches spin. He usually brings his laptop and projector and plays music videos. Today he just played them before class started and for the cool down. While watching the video below during cool down I had to catch myself so I wouldn't burst out in tears. I was proud of myself for getting through spin, inspired to keep at it, and just overcome with emotions. This video also reminded me that I am made for more than the day to day of life that I get caught up in. I believe that we all have purpose. I usually struggle with this because I feel it has to be something huge. The truth it, little things are huge.

Matthew 25:35-40 (Student Life Application Bible, New living translation.)
For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me. Then these righteous ones will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will tell the, 'I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,* you were doing it to me!' 

This video reminded me of my trip to Kenya back in 2004. The way they are dancing reminded me of how the children were trying to teach me to dance. 

We went to Kenya in support of the missionaries that live there permanently. They were building a school.

They had several teams that would help them do certain things for the school. Our team helped to build the benches that would go inside. 

This was a lifetime experience that I am so glad I was able to do. I'm just wondering why I stopped with Kenya? Why didn't I bring that home with me? 

Lord, I'm sorry if I redirected the path and the plans you had for me. Help me to be more like you and help the least of us. Wherever or however that may be. 

Just some random thoughts and pictures and updates.

I really don't like washing dishes by hand. I throw them in the dishwasher multiple times if it doesn't come clean the first time. Lately we have been using a lot more of our rubbermaid lunch containers and those things don't fit very well with all the other dishes in there. It is becoming easier to brake down and hand wash them than strategically place all the dishes in the dishwasher! First world problem, I know.

We went to a braves game on the 1st of the month. We lost, but I had cute nails that made me feel better about it.

I have been feeling pretty good about wearing baseball hats lately. I first got one for the braves game and it was definitely needed to shield the sun, then I wore it again cause I was too lazy to fix my hair. This past Saturday I made my daddy proud and wore a hogs hat that my father-in-law bought me. I have to admit, I'm pretty darn cute.

As far as updates, I still go to the baby doctor about once a week to check hormones and look up my hoo-haa to check my ovaries. Nice, I know. 

In October I start working Monday-Friday from 4:15am-10:45am. That's early, but I've done it before. I get off early so I can take a nap and still do what I want. It's more hours, so more money. I will just have to remember that I am blessed when that 3am alarm goes off. 

Hope all is well with you and you have a fantastic week! :) 

Oh! I almost forgot. Happy Birthday James! I love you. 

Turning that Frown Upside Down

Do you know the most efficient way for me to change my attitude? It's not a drive with the windows down, it's not shopping, it's not eating a homemade piece of bread in my mom's kitchen, it's not a phone call from a best friend, it's not finishing a great workout, it's PRAISE.

Sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I forget to look outside of me. I don't have all the answers. I like to think I do.

I have been pretty anxious about the future lately. It started last month when we got word that we might be transferring to Virginia in February. I have NO desire whatsoever to go back to Virginia. Within a week it came back that we will not be moving in February and James will still be able to put into select where we go. Ultimately it is out of our hands and we will go where the Navy tells us to.

Of course we are still in the process of trying to have a baby. I am not sure what I am feeling about that either. I am so wishy washy. I do desire to be a mom someday. I also know that James will be such a great dad, probably one of the best in the world. He is really great with kids. When I watch him with children that's when I most yearn to have children. We are trying a mixture of things that I will not get into. We find out toward the end of October beginning of November if we will be able to have a baby through this treatment. Otherwise we will be using IVF to get pregnant.

Because there is a chance that we will have to use IVF, it has made me question how, when, where is this going to happen.

I have this desire to join the military myself. Yes, you read that right. I really want to join. It has always been in the back of my mind. Before James and I started dating, I thought I was going to end up an old maid and considered joining. Then I met James and he joined. When we were first married and very broke, I brought it up then. I thought about it again when we got back from Japan. And here we are now.

I work at the gym on base and see these girls who come in fresh out of boot camp. I know that if they can do it so can I. I know it will be hard, as most things worth doing are. The pros for joining are: we will have the budget to afford IVF. I will have a steady job and sense of purpose without being a mom. I will qualify for the GI bill and be able to go to school for whatever I want and not feel like I'm wasting money making up my mind. The cons are: I'm not sure James and I will be stationed together. We can put in for the same place, (city wise, not command) but it is not guaranteed. There is also the possibility that he will go out on deployment and come back and then I go out.

I don't want a career. I would ideally like to be two years active duty and two years reserve. I can see us putting aside our plans for the right now, to have a better future.

Pretty much everything is pending our fertility news in October-November. I really don't know which way I am leaning towards. That is where the praise comes in. It is out of my hands. I have plans for both ways and that's all I can do. God could have something totally different in store for us though. I hope that you will join me in praying God's will as we continue to praise Him in all situations.

Before You Speak

I have been seeing this little poster on Pinterest going around for Teachers. I love it and thinks it's a great reminder for adults too.



http://www.etsy.com/listing/96354235/think-before-you-speak-vinyl-decal?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=think+before+you+speak&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all

I know that I need this reminder more often than not. I have found myself venting to a friend and then it turns to gossip and rumors. This covers all of that.

Just like we all learned from Bambi and our mothers, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

Today Was A Fairy Tale

Today was such a good day!

I went to Pilates this morning with a friend and a coworker. Got my butt kicked, in a good way.

When I got home, took a shower, and put on make-up for the first time this month. (It melts off and I have been breaking out, and it isn't cheap.)  I told James that I wanted to go for a drive.

We drove for a little over two hours just to nowhere and back. Down some county roads talking about dream houses and the normal stuff we talk about when we are driving. We had the dogs with us. It was raining and it made it more of a family thing, haha. Yes, our dogs are our children.

When we got back we stopped at the redbox. Got a couple of movies. We watched the first one then I cooked dinner. I made these spicy apple-glazed meatballs. I got the recipe from a magazine. They were pretty good. While I was prepping and cooking, all the ingredients were coming together, I put Jack Johnson on Pandora and felt like I was in a movie. Dancing around and cooking. Made mashed potatoes for James and broccoli for me. We sat down and I had a glass of my favorite moscato. Music was playing and we were talking and eating. It was a movie.

After dinner we took the dogs to the beach on base. Came home, rinsed off and now I'm finishing this post while James is rinsing off. Going to watch Red Tails and enjoy the rest of the night.

I'm so thankful for days like today. It makes my life a fairy tale.

Dear Audra

You are doing this! Even though last week was really heard due to PMS cravings and last night you gave in and ate some pasta, you are still on the right path.

The reason you no longer eat starchy carbs such as potatoes, rice, pasta, and bread is because you don't process them as well as others. You want to take a nap within 30 minutes of eating them. You have a black streak line on your neck, a sign of diabetes, at the age of 26.

Feel empowered by your choice to get healthy, not defeated.

Your portion sizes were out of control before. You know we are still working on that. It is hard enough to not eat potatoes. You are doing great though.

You have set some goals for yourself and you can reach them. It is just going to take time. Probably a lot of frustration and tears too.

As you are writing this I see you crying because you really really so badly want those white powdered donuts that James bought yesterday. You know that you CAN eat them. You are choosing not to eat them. You don't eat that way anymore, Audra. I DON'T EAT THAT WAY ANYMORE.

When you lose 10 pounds you WILL get that pedicure.
When you lose 20 pounds you WILL get a heart monitor.
When you lose 30 pounds you WILL get a new pair of tennis shoes.
When you lose 40 pounds you WILL get laser hair removal.
When you lose anything greater you WILL be getting new clothes.

Audra, this is not just about losing weight, this is not about looking great, though those are great motivations. You are making healthy decisions. You want to be there for your kids one day. You want to be able to have kids and carry them to 40 weeks healthy! You want to be proud of yourself for once.

I see you bawling your eyes out knowing that this is a turning point. Stop crying, wipe those eyes, feel empowered.

You know in your heart you are doing this for you. Your husband loves you the way you are. Your friends love you the way you are. You even love yourself.

You have enjoyed every dinner party that you ate plates of pasta and potatoes. You had a blast drinking those high calorie alcoholic beverages. You had a lot of fun getting up to 196 pounds. You are who you are. Though you may lose weight, never forget that you have loved yourself along the way. Your friends have loved you all along. Your husband has loved you all along. Your savior has loved you all along.

Even though you are not all alone in this fight to get healthy, you have friends that walk with you and a husband who will exercise with you. It is your responsibility to put the fork down. You are the one who is going to have to say no thanks to potatoes or that bread basket. No one else can do that for you.

I am doing this for me. I am doing this to be healthy. I am doing this because I love myself.

Here's the Dealio

This month I am being observed by the fertility specialist. I went in for blood work and an ultrasound. I start a home ovulation kit soon and then go back for another ultrasound and more blood work.

When we first met with the doctor all we did was sit and talk. He suggested I go on the Atkins diet. I guess this is a common suggestion for women with PCOS. It has to do with insulin levels and such. I was not to pleased with this, still not for that matter. I love breads and pastas and sweets and sweet snacks. I came home from that meeting thinking I'll just eat what we have in the house and then be careful about what I bring back in the house.

Well today I went for a walk with a friend who is seeing the same doctor. She has done several months of treatment and is in a 2nd round of IUI. Basically they take the seed from the man and wash it and put it in the women at the best time and hope for a baby. That procedure is more costly than I thought it was. $850 for each time it is done. Yikes. That may not sound like much to some of you, but for us at this point in our lives we could maybe squeeze by and have it done twice tops. We are here for another year so that still gives me time to just keep doing the fertility drugs, they offer something similar to Clomid. They will monitor me and tell us when to do our "homework."

This discouraged me and encouraged me at the same time. Discouraged because money doesn't grow on any trees I've ever seen; encouraged me to do EVERYTHING in my power to make myself healthy. So today I am getting rid of all the dry pasta and bread and tortillas. James is going to have a junk food cabinet that is out of site from the pantry. I plan to put a note on it that says "$850 for one time." Heres to hoping I don't raid it...

I just prepped some taco soup that is full of protein. I have cooked frozen chicken on hand, hard boiled eggs, and cheese sticks. On the Atkins diet you aren't supposed to have fruit or sugar but thats why I'm not doing the Atkins diet. I am still going to eat fruit. When something needs sugar I will be using sugar, not a substitue. I also get a late night chocolate craving after I get off of work at night. I bought some dove dark chocolates. One or two pieces should fix it and I don't think it will do too much damage. I mean I'm already nearly 200 lbs anyway, and it's better than an overflowing plate full of nilla wafers with peanut butter. (ugh..I love that.)

Most of my night meals will just consist of a meat and veggies. On work nights I have the taco soup ready made in cute little tupperware containers. I'll pack a salad with that. I can see me getting bored with this quickly. Thank goodness it is summer time and veggies are so good right now and so good on the grill. When I forget to plan I'll head to Wendy's and get a cup of chili and a small salad.

If any of you have any simple recipes with low carbs let me know. I still plan to have oatmeal for breakfast and am going to buy the whole wheat low carb version of tortillas.

For now that's the plan Jan, that's the dealio.

The inner 5 year old

Yesterday was a great day. James is off work on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Thursdays lately have started to feel like Saturdays used to.

I reminded James on Wednesday night that Thursday was going to be a date night since the movie, "The Lucky One" was playing on base and at $3 a ticket you really can't beat that.

James asked what I had going on that day and I mentioned needing to get a couple of things done. He knew that it was date night, but he figured we could have a date day too! I get so excited when he plans something. I am more of the social planner of the house.

James got done with a morning appointment. I was finishing up making homemade bread! (My mom taught me how when she was here.) I got ready for the day and left the dough in the bowl to rise all day.

James asked me if I had a dollar. I did. I sort of knew we were going to head out to Pensacola beach at that point since it has a toll bridge to get there. We went out to the beach and just kept driving. We drove the road all the way out until we were in Santa Rosa county. It was more secluded and the water was very turquoise. I saw a small family of dolphins. I screamed in the car and shouted "Dolphins!" I then began to clap like a little excited girl. James just shook his head and smiled at me.

Later that night we had a fabulous dinner at home. Grilled pork chops, grilled shrimp, a salad, my homemade bread and sweet tea. Mmm-mmm-good!

On our way to the movies there was a storm brewing. There were gray clouds all around, yet we were still under a circle of blue sky. Up ahead I saw a rainbow! I clapped my hands yet again and shouted "Rainbow! Do you see it?"

James again said "Yes I see it, but im not jumping out of my seat and clapping about it." Boy he really makes me laugh, even if it's at myself.

Then yet again I saw something exciting, a little baby fox by a stop sign eating a bird or something. I said "Oh! Look its a baby fox! And he's eating something!"

James then was like "Look! An old brick wall with ivy growing on it!"

By this time we were both laughing. What can I say, things like dolphins and rainbows and baby fox excite me! I felt like God sent them for me to show me that he, and his beauty are everywhere. I don't think there's anything wrong with clapping and getting excited about God's handy-work.

So thank you Lord for never ceasing to fascinate me and give me something to squeal like the girl you created.

I hope you all find something to squeal about today!
-With Love

Holy Smokes!

I know it's in the water, not just the local water. No I'm not pregnant but we received a referral to a clinic out in town. I'm super excited. I now know of at least 6 people who just announced their pregnancies this past week. I'm genuinely excited for everyone. I know that some people think I would be jealous or disappointed, but truly I have baby fever! For everyone!

I am also anxiously awaiting the list to see if James will be promoted to E6. He thought he had it last time and was pretty bummed when he didn't make it. This time he isn't letting himself get excited. I can't help but get my hopes up for him. They release the list on facebook so I'm on his account quite a bit lately.

I'm so excited summer has arrived. We already spent a week at the beach with James' parents and with mine. My brother and his family are coming down soon so there will be more time at the beach. I am truly blessed to have an awesome family.

James and I will be celebrating our seven year anniversary June 17th. That's just seems crazy. Seven years! What?!!

We are going to try and go home for the 4th of July this year. That is a holiday that screams family bar-b-que. We also want to meet our nephew Bentley! (My brother Alexis' son. In case you're wondering.) He came home just over a week ago!

In case I don't talk to you on the regular, or update this blog, I hope you have an amazing summer! If you can stop by Pensacola or want to see the white sandy beaches of Perdido Key shoot me an email. I would love to see any of you. We have a spare room!

-With love

Monday Melody

Happy Monday! I know you're prolly thinking get out of here you cheerful girl. Mondays are the pits.

Not anymore for me. James just switched to weekends so he works friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays till noon. 

This morning I woke up, ate breakfast, prayed for my cousins (yup, all 10 of you guys! Feel loved.), Bentley, my parents, and to make it through my workout without throwing up. 

Well now the workout it over, and I did not throw up! It is lead by the chaplin on base. It is supposedly similar to Insanity, I don't know since I have never done Insanity. I'm so glad I get to do it with a group of people and for free though. If i had to do it by myself I would definitely give up. I'm still the slowest person and dont get through all the stuff without taking a break. That's a bit embarrassing, but they are all active duty. (That's what I tell myself to make it ok that I can't keep up.) 

During this workout I regretted eating breakfast, even though it was an hour before hand. I also kept saying the "f" word in my head. Sorry mom! I knew I shouldn't have said that in my head so then I starting praying to just make it through and I did! I'm ALIVE! Hahaha, ok so I think I'm pretty funny. 

Now I'm going to shower and catch up on some of my shows before James gets home. I hope you have a stupendous Monday! 

February- March happenings

Hello readers! I hope you have been well.

Last month was the month for babies. One of my cousins and my sister-in-law had their babies on February 15th. I also had another cousin announce her pregnancy. Yay for babies! My nephew Bentley was born prematurely at 27 weeks. He is growing stronger everyday, yet everyday is still a battle. Please keep him in your prayers.

Last week the unthinkable happened. I got a call to fill in as a dental assistant. I don't think it will turn into a job as the assistant he has, has been with him from day one. However I do think they will call me if she ever wants a vacation or is sick or something. I swear he was the nicest dentist I have ever worked for. He might have been frustrated but he never showed it. He was so patient. I feel beyond blessed to have filled in. They called me from my resume that I turned into them when we first moved here over a year and a half ago. Not to mention that my paycheck for 3 days was more than my last one that was for 2 weeks. (I dont get very many hours, but still..) It was a great experience and made me realize that I do want to be a dental assistant again one day.
I think about volunteering, however I know that I want to be a stay at home mom until our kid goes to kindergarten. That is pretty important to me. (No, I'm not even pregnant. We are still trying.) We have just under a year and a half left here. I am happy where I am at the gym now. This fill in position was just what I needed to give me hope about the future though. Maybe I will have to be settled and James may be retired from the military but I know that I can do it. I can and will be a dental assistant in the future. It feels great knowing that.

Today we rearranged furniture! I'm so excited! I have never liked the way we had it but it seemed like our only option at the time. Now we have two rooms instead of one giant room. We got a dinning table off of craigslist and I wanted the carpets cleaned and furniture arranged before we brought it in. I love how it feels now. Much more like home. Now I can have company over and everyone should be able to have a seat! Mission accomplished.

Well I hope you have a great week! Maybe I'll be back before the month is up!

Spontaneous Fun

James is coaching again this year. Same age group as last year 9-11 year olds, I think. His team is off to a great start this year. They have won their first two games. I remember after his first practice this year he came home thinking his team was going to be the underdogs. He has 3 girls on his team and he had none last year. (Not that girls are bad, just two of the three don't come off as athletic. One even asked to stay on the bench. (I would totally be that girl.)) He only had seven show up to that first practice and he had a team of ten last year so he could put in a whole new team when the other guys got tired. He has players who are scared to shoot, some don't dribble well, some aren't agressive enough and some take the ball and foul anytime someone is near them with a ball. 

Saturday was his second game. Somehow he now has a full ten players on his team. The team we were playing only had five show up. I don't know if thats how the league works or what. Anyway, I am so impressed with him and his team. They played great. It was actually one of the first games in that age group that looked like basketball was being played. Most of the time it just looks like crazy kids running up and down the court. One of the kids who almost always passes the ball and hardly takes a shot scored the first point of the game. The next point he scored most impressed me. He rebounded the ball, surrounded by the other team, took a step away from the goal, turned around, focused and made the basket. It was beautiful. He is developing into a great player. He also did a fabulous bounce pass. For that age group they are just learning about those. It is great to witness this team grow. James is an amazing coach. He gets excited for his team. He encourages them and he teaches them. 

Another kid who is afraid to take shots almost made a basket. He actually tried to shoot not once but twice. James was so excited. He called the kid over to the bench and asked him "Do you know what you did?" 

The kid hung his head, "No."

"You almost got a basket. You went for it twice! I was ready to jump up off this bench and call a time out to give you a hug."

The kid smiles. "Yeah, I almost got a basket!" He smiles bigger now.

It is just so fun to watch and see James being so fulfilled. I love it. 

After the game we went home. James changed and then we went on a mystery date. James was taking me to a surprise lunch. When we got to the town though he ended up being surprised. We went to Mobile Alabama. We forgot that it was Mardi Gras. So we are in downtown Mobile, can't go anywhere, stuck in traffic parade. "I've never seen a Mardi Gras parade." I say. 

We park the truck and go stand next to the parade. It was pretty fun. We got lots of beads, (no flashing required. Where does the flashing even come in?)  We got a stuffed dog thrown at us. I had a whole sack of beads thrown at me that nailed me in the leg. We even got ice cream sandwiches thrown at us from one float. It was a pretty awesome experience. Also if any of you have an craft ideas involving beads, let me know! 

^^^^ Pretty Beads. :) 

Our Loot. >>>

Boxing glove, bag of beads that hit me in the leg,

Frisbees, cups, howling dog. (Yeah it really howls.) moon pies, and a paddle ball game! 

Oh, so back to the mystery date. James took me to this BBQ restaurant. It was featured on an episode of "Man vs. Food." They smoke the meat for a 25-30 hours! It was amazing and the next time anyone wants to visit us, be prepared to go for another hour drive to Mobile. We are so taking everybody. 

You would think that that would have been a complete day, basketball game, parade, BBQ. Nope, we had to stop in at Bass Pro Shop on our way home. We just love that place. 

And That my friends was our completed Saturday. 

Change is good

There have been lots of changes recently. I'm so glad too. It seems a lot of  people are scared of change, I rather love it. I embrace it. In small doses anyway. I think that's why I'm glad I married a military man. I get to change where I live, what I do, how my house looks every couple of years. It can be a bit unnerving, but is usually refreshing. (I am a bit frustrated that I haven't/can't rearrange my living room furniture.)

I switched from one gym that I worked at to another one closer to home. It takes me exactly 6 minutes from my front door to the time clock on foot. It's about the same driving too, I have to go around a couple of gates. It still beats the 20 minutes it did take. (not that 20 minutes is long either.) Is proximity to home the only reason I made this change? No, it's not. It's not a drastic change. I do the same thing, make the same money. You could say it isn't even a real change. Maybe it's not. But it feels like it.

Instead of eight hour shifts, I work five or six hours depending if I work the mid shift or the last shift. Big deal? Maybe not. It feels like it though.

I am cleaning my house and cooking more. Maybe this is because I am home more.

I read this article not long ago. I was in a slump. I'm not sure that I am fully out of it yet, but there is definite movement.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish?start=1

It's 11 things to know at 25ish. I just turned 26 in December. I was curious to what this would say. It was really a wake up call. PLEASE click on the link and read the article. It is really great. Encouraging, not a depressing list of things you need to have accomplished but haven't. It's more of a call to rise up and take control of who you want to become. Everyday we wake up, we get to decide who we are. If you aren't happy where you are, change. I am.

Heidi

I just watched Heidi on Netflix. The version with Shirley Tempel. Such a good movie. If you have Netflix and have a little girl or are a little girl at heart I suggest you watch it. They just don't make movies that wholesome anymore.

Great Reminders

"Not a museum for good people, but a hospital for the broken."

"In the loneliest places, when I can't remember what grace is"

13 going on 30

I love this movie. I'm watching it on tv right now. I can't believe I don't own it. It is just fun and girly. It makes me want to have a giant slumber party and eat lots of junk food and talk about boys.

Unworthy, but

I am unworthy, but he loves me anyway.

I surprised myself with the last blog post. It is easier to post a real raw emotion blog when I feel no one will read it. Shortly after I posted the last blog I took a hot shower and bawled my eyes out praying to the Lord. I was still just feeling so alone and desperate. I texted my sister-in-law to pray. She did. I love her so much. She sent me some powerful and encouraging scripture and it helped to get me through the rest of that day.

I am reminded of the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is a phenomenal book. One of the things I remember they talk about is that we as women are created as social beings.

One of the attacks or lies that Satan has been telling me is that I am all alone. No one understands, no one wants to have a friend like you. You are a jealous snobby girl. They would be better off if you just didn't talk with them anymore. Pretty much trying to get me to cut off my emotional ties with friends. He (Satan) knows that when we get together and encourage each other, we are doing what God created us to do. He created us to be in communion, or fellowship, with Him.

So being created as a social being, a women who displays emotion openly. It is not a bad thing. We, both women and men, were created in His image. We are very different. People like to think of God as a guy. We say "Him," when we talk. Or "Our Father." However we were all created in his likeness. Genesis 1:27. If you think about it, like John and Stasi did, you will see the wonder and the beauty of God himself. He created men strong and protective because He is strong. He created women beautiful, nurturing and loving because He himself is all of those things.

I do know where to turn when I feel empty and broken so please don't worry about that. But remember that we are all human and fragile. Sometimes I need to be encouraged. Other times I am an encourager. So I would encourage you today, tonight, whenever you read this, to think of who in your life you could lift up in prayer or text that you were just thinking of them. I hope each of you has someone to lift you up. Even better to remember is that we are sons and daughters of the Most High King. Thats right, you my dear, are a princess or prince.

bitterness

I feel like bitterness is eating me alive. I'm letting it. It shows it's ugly face and I let it take over. Where does it come from? How do I make it go away? I thought I was an encouraging person. I am no longer. What if I never was?
I want to be nice. When I reach inside all I see is death. I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I am not a good friend. I am not a good person. Why does anyone want me in their life? I am ugly, ugly from the inside out.

James and I arrived back in Florida safe and sound three nights ago. I have been pretty lazy. Occasionally getting up to switch the laundry over or heat up something to eat. Today was just a bit different. I was inspired by pintrest of course. There is a calendar of organization for an entire year! It basically says clean one shelf one day, organize your junk drawer another, throw out the actual "junk" from your drawers another day etc.

Well that got me started. Unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow so I can't go through my storage. I did go through all my bathroom drawers and my pantry. I am getting rid of lots of lotions and all the travel sized products I take from the hotels and never use. And I pay for them, so yeah, I take them. I always plan to have them for guests, but in reality they are just taking up space. I have them in a paper grocery bag ready to donate. I want to take them to be used by homeless veterans. I need to research a drop off place though, so that might take me a month before I get to that....

I suppose that is one of the many things I would like to work on with myself this year; To finish the things I start. I still have a 1/3 of a scarf that I started knitting before I went to Japan. I have patterns and some fabric for sewing projects. Those are crafty things though, I think lack of interest can be to blame for that. I love the idea of crafting. Doing something with my time besides being in front of the tv or computer. In reality, I would rather be in front of the tv or computer.