I really cherish my sunday morning walks. It is a time where I don't worry about my pace. I just turn on praise and worship music and walk. (Last Sunday I walked/ran with my brother. It was some great and much needed sibling bonding time.)
This past week we didn't get the news we were hoping for fertility wise. We were hoping to see a change but it stayed the same. We are going to continue for another couple of months before we meet with the doctor again to discuss further options.
This song came on.
I just felt something that can't be explained rise up in me. I felt a call to action. I'm not sure what that call is. I don't know what God has planned for me, but i feel He wants me to get ready.
When this song came on I lost it.
I started running and sobbing at the chorus. I have no idea what is going on inside myself. As tears were streaming down my face I was just praying for God to use me in whatever way he needs me. I released those held back tears. There is something bigger than me going on and I want to be part of it. I am no longer who I once was. God is making me into a warrior.
I feel stronger physically. I am setting and reaching goals I never thought possible. I have always felt that people underestimate me. Turns out that I am the one who underestimated myself.
I have this desire to be stronger spiritually. I don't know where I'm going. I only know that for me it starts with praise. Over this next year I want to learn the spiritual truths of who I am in Christ. That is my goal. To find out who I am. Right now I am a broken mess, but I feel this fire rising.
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