Turning that Frown Upside Down

Do you know the most efficient way for me to change my attitude? It's not a drive with the windows down, it's not shopping, it's not eating a homemade piece of bread in my mom's kitchen, it's not a phone call from a best friend, it's not finishing a great workout, it's PRAISE.

Sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I forget to look outside of me. I don't have all the answers. I like to think I do.

I have been pretty anxious about the future lately. It started last month when we got word that we might be transferring to Virginia in February. I have NO desire whatsoever to go back to Virginia. Within a week it came back that we will not be moving in February and James will still be able to put into select where we go. Ultimately it is out of our hands and we will go where the Navy tells us to.

Of course we are still in the process of trying to have a baby. I am not sure what I am feeling about that either. I am so wishy washy. I do desire to be a mom someday. I also know that James will be such a great dad, probably one of the best in the world. He is really great with kids. When I watch him with children that's when I most yearn to have children. We are trying a mixture of things that I will not get into. We find out toward the end of October beginning of November if we will be able to have a baby through this treatment. Otherwise we will be using IVF to get pregnant.

Because there is a chance that we will have to use IVF, it has made me question how, when, where is this going to happen.

I have this desire to join the military myself. Yes, you read that right. I really want to join. It has always been in the back of my mind. Before James and I started dating, I thought I was going to end up an old maid and considered joining. Then I met James and he joined. When we were first married and very broke, I brought it up then. I thought about it again when we got back from Japan. And here we are now.

I work at the gym on base and see these girls who come in fresh out of boot camp. I know that if they can do it so can I. I know it will be hard, as most things worth doing are. The pros for joining are: we will have the budget to afford IVF. I will have a steady job and sense of purpose without being a mom. I will qualify for the GI bill and be able to go to school for whatever I want and not feel like I'm wasting money making up my mind. The cons are: I'm not sure James and I will be stationed together. We can put in for the same place, (city wise, not command) but it is not guaranteed. There is also the possibility that he will go out on deployment and come back and then I go out.

I don't want a career. I would ideally like to be two years active duty and two years reserve. I can see us putting aside our plans for the right now, to have a better future.

Pretty much everything is pending our fertility news in October-November. I really don't know which way I am leaning towards. That is where the praise comes in. It is out of my hands. I have plans for both ways and that's all I can do. God could have something totally different in store for us though. I hope that you will join me in praying God's will as we continue to praise Him in all situations.