Yours Forever

I thought I was going to bed, I guess not just yet.

My heart is just overflowing right now. I'm so thankful for so many things. I live a very blessed life.

I just turned on the song "Yours Forever" by Dara Maclean. It is just speaking to me right now. I know on a day to day basis I take all the little blessings for granted. One thing I know is I am forever grateful for God never failing to meet me in the here an now.
Listen to song here.

When I was new to Japan and my marriage was crumbling apart right before me. I wept in the shower and prayed and then got up and did something about it. He gave me strength.

When food had a hold of my life and I was crying over a powdered donut. I know it may seem trivial to some of you. He was there. He showed me that he created food from the earth to nourish me. I didn't need that donut. I needed Him and all that he provides for me.

Now when I'm here at school. I get so stressed over tests and falling behind in class. Yet He is here. Meeting me in my need. Helping me to recall the information as I need it.

To a person who isn't a Christian they could explain all of this away. Say that I was the one who did something, not God.

In my heart of hearts, I know that I myself am incapable of these things.

I didn't carry the ability to change my husbands heart. I have seen him change from angry to loving. He changed my heart from closed off and bitter to open and kind. It seems to have just happened overnight.

I didn't carry the ability to say no to food that was in front of me. It happened when I let go.

My body gets physically exhausted from studying and stress. He meets me time and time again in my need.

I am so in love. One of my greatest fears is that I have all this love for God and what he has done for me, yet I fail to show the world.

"Thank you, for finding me when you did. You changed my life. Now I believe that love is all that I'll ever need. I promise my heart, and all that I am, I'm yours forever my Love."

Being Humbled

This week was a really trying week for me. I cried. I cried hard. I was on the phone with James and I was just sobbing. School is more difficult than I thought it would be.

James told me not to give up. I feel like not only would I be disappointed in myself if I quit school, but I feel like I would let my parents, and my brother and James down too.

As I was laying on the floor next to my closet just sobbing, I just prayed. Every ounce of me wanted to give up. I wanted to go talk to my petty officers and see how I could get out of school.

I got up, washed my red, puffy, snotty face. I ate dinner. Sat down and finished my homework. Later in the shower I turned Pandora to praise and worship music. There is just something so peaceful about singing praises in the shower. The steam rises and I just feel like He is there and He hears and feels how much I need Him, how much I love Him and how much I want to please Him.

I am just a girl who day by day puts one foot in front of the other. That's more than I used to do. When you know that there is a purpose for your life (even if you don't quiet know what it is) you just keep going.
I used to be a quitter. I would try and exercise and I would give up after I didn't lose 20lbs in a week. I would try and eat healthy and then I see a cupcake, once you have one you have to have another and oops, there goes that day.
My recent success in diet, exercise, getting through boot camp is all due to God. It started as a cry for help to have self control in one area of my life.
Then little by little I found strength in myself that God had placed there all along. I just didn't know it.

You know how easy it is to find good in others yet you look at yourself and you can't find anything? I don't see that anymore. That is calling God a liar. I was made in his image. I am beautiful, loving, strong, smart, kind, helpful.
I have bad days, but I think it's God trying to pull something out of me that I didn't know was there. Think about it. How else do you grow if not by having those hard days?

He is so good and so faithful. He has placed loving parents who pray for me daily. A husband who supports me and allows me to grow as an individual and go chase my goals and dreams.

Having those things are more precious to me than anything. I am so blessed. So thankful. So humbled.

I'm just a girl, who puts on foot in front of the other.

Philippians 4:12-14 (NIV) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, wether well fed or hungry, wether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! All of you have been so supportive and sweet. Offering insight and wisdom into my life. I'm so thankful to share this life with all of you. From my struggle to conceive, to losing weight, to realizing dreams and hard work go hand in hand. You guys are amazing.

-Audra

A-school and such

Hey guys!

This weekend was really great. I took my test on Friday and only missed 3 questions. Then it was my duty free weekend so I didn't have to worry about standing watch or staying in the building.
I went and watched Despicable Me 2 and the Lone Ranger. Both were really good. It's been awhile since a movie has had my full attention. I usually fall asleep or my brain just goes off on the things I need to be doing.

Today has not been that great. Today is my duty day and that's fine. On duty days you can only leave the building to go eat and you have to stay in the uniform of the day. (So I can't get comfy until it's time for bed.) Today was also my first day of AES. (I'm not sure what that acronym means.) It's basically where I didn't get my lesson done in class so I stay late and finish it. It's really great that they offer that so I don't get behind. Tomorrow morning I'll be with the rest of the class. They also have this thing called Open Learning. That is where you can stay late and just go over the lessons you have learned.

I know I'm going to try and go to open learning as often as I can.

I left the school house in tears. This stuff is not clicking. It really doesn't seem that complicated but today was an overload of formulas. I remember in math class in high school we would probably only learn one formula a week.

They told us coming into this school that the military has condensed the program. Probably so they aren't wasting taxpayers dollars and get us to our jobs more quickly. In the civilian world this program would be 3 months. Here it is just 1.

I am really discouraged. I want to do well, I really do. After today though I just want to get through it. If I fail 3 tests then they can and probably will set me back. They say that it is a small percent that actually gets dropped, most just get set back.

I want to be done as soon as I can. I miss my husband terribly.

On a positive note Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and our strength, an ever present help in trouble. 

I love you guys!
Please keep me in your prayers. I really need them.