The God of Angel Armies is Always by My Side

I heard this song on the way to work today and I was so encouraged. I had to look up the story behind the song.
The video player is too small for the actual song but I hope you will go take a listen and be encouraged like I was. I just have it playing on repeat and am having my own praise session going on over here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg

Guard My Heart and Mind

I have had nightmares the last two nights. I don't often have nightmares and to have them two nights in a row has me thinking. I don't know if I am under a spiritual attack or if they are a sign or if I am just anxious.

Last night my nightmare started off with me and my parents going to take the ASVAB together. They felt the need to take it to compare themselves to me. I just remember feeling inadequate in comparison to them. Somehow I end up on a train in Japan trying to call my mom to tell her I wouldn't be able to take the test. I couldn't call her though, my phone was out of minutes. I was desperate to get in touch with her and couldn't. I wasn't even able to use a credit card to pay to talk to her. The train was moving fast and I had to make a decision to get off or stay on. I get off. I get out and everyone is looking at this cloud approaching. It turns into a tornado and everyone runs in panic to find shelter. I am left all alone. All of a sudden this American girl drives up and spins her car in front of me and the passenger side opens to me and she yells at me to get in. I do. We drive off in this storm with hail and debris all around us, she has a phone and yells for me to call my mom. Then I wake up. 

Tonight I dreamt I was working at a secure military facility. There is a guy that walks in and I recognize him. I don't know him personally but I see he is evil and nervous. Then a team of these terrorist walk in and I try to alert everyone we are under attack. It is too late. They have this other girl and dismember her and sew aircraft wings onto her back. I am being held down and watching this then I pass in and out of consciousness and they are doing the same thing to me. When I wake up I have these large B2 stealth bomber wings on my back. Then I wake up, sweating. 

I have looked up certain key pieces from these dreams. Tornado is expressing chaos or being overwhelmed.  Being in a foreign country means something unfamiliar like a change in routine or a job.  To dream of being attacked indicates that my character is being questioned, I feel the need to defend myself, or that I may be facing difficult changes in real life. Being dismembered means removing parts of your life that you have trouble with, or are struggling with new changes. 

All of these make sense to me, but they seem so violent. That is what makes me think it could be a spiritual attack. I have heard that once you start an action moving towards what God wants you to do, forces of evil will try and stop you. 

I know that I truly am scared for these changes that are about to happen. It's the fear of the unknown. The fear of serving during this time with everything going on in our country. The fear that our nation is turing evil and I will be forced obey orders that go against what God says. The fear of being separated from my husband. 

I truly feel this is something I am supposed to do. I have this picture that I will be able to help people in third world countries through military volunteer opportunities. I ideally want to be a dental assistant, it all depends on my ASVAB score and the needs of the Navy. I have this vision where I get to assist with cleft palate operations and other dental facial surgeries. I bring joy and love and hope with me to a hopeless people. 

Once I woke up from my nightmare I began to pray for peace of mind. I sent my mom a text message about the dreams and she replied with a prayer. I turned on my praise music and looked up Bible verses on peace. 

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 55:12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give peace as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. 

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

I serve a BIG God. Bigger than my fears, bigger than any evil spirits, bigger than doubt.

Lord I pray to be lost in You. Let me pray continually. Bring peace of mind to me. May Your peace guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Thank You for the work You are doing in me. Thank You for the work that You will allow to be done through me. Let me be invisible so that all that is visible is You. 

Prayers Answered and Prayers Needed

Hey Guys! Guess What!? I have a positive answer to prayer about joining the military. I get to go ahead and sign up here and go through DEP (delayed entry program, that is 6 months) here, AND I get to move when scheduled WITH James and then leave for boot camp from our new place. I was pretty worried that I might have to stay behind or go right before and then not know our new address and not have anyway to send or receive letters from James and that made me scared and sad and have a slight panic attack.
Another cool thing, when I swear in, James should be able to do that. That means so much to me and is so cool that my husband can do that with/for me.

Here is where I would still appreciate any prayers, encouragement, and positive feedback. I am going to take the ASVAB on February 1st. I'm pretty stressed, not gonna lie. It has been nearly 10 years since I had an algebra class. The most important parts of the exam are English and Math. The highest a person can score for the Navy is a 99, and a minimum of 50. I got a 57 on the practice test ya'll. I'm pretty embarrassed about that. They said that the practice test scores lower than the actual test, but I think they were just trying to make me feel good and join ASAP so they get their numbers or whatever.

After I take the  ASVAB I will be going to New Orleans to have a full day of paperwork and swearing in and anything else they need. I have already done the background check online and let me tell you, that was a JOB. There is a reason you join after high school. You have no history yet. In the past ten years I have moved 9 times! I have had so many jobs, they go all the way back to high school for that too. They also needed info on my husband, my parents, my brothers, and my in-laws. It just seems a bit excessive.

The other thing I need prayers and encouragement is my weight. I technically need to lose 11 pounds. I feel like she measured me tall though, so I may need to lose more. I want to lose 15 pounds to allow that leeway in case I'm actually shorter. I feel great right now. I'm a size 12. I'm more confident than the last time I was a 12. I don't feel fat, I feel normal. Therefore, I have lost my drive. The fact is I still NEED to lose weight. I just need some motivation.

That is what is going on. I'm excited, scared, nervous, happy, sooooo many emotions.
I love you.
Audra

Quotes I Love

A women is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou

Be sure to put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. -Abraham Lincoln

Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is. -Mark Twain

Not all of us can do great things. But we can all do small things with great love. -Mother Teresa

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.  -Dr. Seuss

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. -Walt Disney

If you can dream it, you can do it. -Walt Disney

Believe you can and you're halfway there. -Theodore Roosevelt

When you see someone putting on his Big Boots, you can be pretty sure that an adventure is going to happen. -Winnie the Pooh

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties,  it means that it is going to launch you into something great. - Unknown Author

I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come. -Michael Jordan

I'm not funny. What I am is brave. -Lucille Ball

2013

Happy New Year!

2012 was interesting to say the least. My best friend got married. I lost some weight. Discovered some infertility issues. Some friendships grew, some have started to wither. No drama or hard feelings, and there is still fondness and love, just different interests and lifestyles. It is a fact of life I guess, a little sad. I've learned about myself in this process. Some of myself I like, and some of myself could use some more work.
I feel incredibly blessed in my marriage. James is my absolute favorite person on planet Earth.

I have a lot of plans for 2013. Due to infertility I have decided to take a little side-step in our path to starting a family. (I say "I" instead of "we" because though James supports my decisions, he understands that it is still mine to make. I don't take that lightly. We have respect for each other and if he was ever against anything I would reconsider.)  I will be joining the Navy! I went and talked to the recruiter before we went home. We were able to tell both sets of parents our plans. I'm excited and scared to start this journey.
I realize some of you won't agree with my decision and I'm sorry if you feel that way. Life doesn't always work out how we plan and sometimes that can end up being the best part. This may not be for me, however 4 years isn't forever.
There is still a lot to be done. I still have a lot of questions myself. I have 11 pounds to lose to meet military requirements for my height. I am currently studying to take the ASVAB at the end of the month. I am calling the recruiter tomorrow to get the date for that. Once that is done I plan to swear in! AHHHHH! so exciting and nerve wracking! I have to be on the Delayed Entry Program for 6 months before they ship me off for boot camp. In that program they will teach me the sailors creed and other military things. That should put me right into the month of August. We are due to move that month with James' orders so I'm not sure how that will work. I hope to be able to move us and then go to boot camp, but we will see. I may just let James handle all the moving for once, Ha!

I hope you have some awesome things in store for 2013. I hope you will pray for me and this journey as I will pray for you. I can't wait to keep you updated with the process.

I love you.
Audra