This week was a really trying week for me. I cried. I cried hard. I was on the phone with James and I was just sobbing. School is more difficult than I thought it would be.
James told me not to give up. I feel like not only would I be disappointed in myself if I quit school, but I feel like I would let my parents, and my brother and James down too.
As I was laying on the floor next to my closet just sobbing, I just prayed. Every ounce of me wanted to give up. I wanted to go talk to my petty officers and see how I could get out of school.
I got up, washed my red, puffy, snotty face. I ate dinner. Sat down and finished my homework. Later in the shower I turned Pandora to praise and worship music. There is just something so peaceful about singing praises in the shower. The steam rises and I just feel like He is there and He hears and feels how much I need Him, how much I love Him and how much I want to please Him.
I am just a girl who day by day puts one foot in front of the other. That's more than I used to do. When you know that there is a purpose for your life (even if you don't quiet know what it is) you just keep going.
I used to be a quitter. I would try and exercise and I would give up after I didn't lose 20lbs in a week. I would try and eat healthy and then I see a cupcake, once you have one you have to have another and oops, there goes that day.
My recent success in diet, exercise, getting through boot camp is all due to God. It started as a cry for help to have self control in one area of my life.
Then little by little I found strength in myself that God had placed there all along. I just didn't know it.
You know how easy it is to find good in others yet you look at yourself and you can't find anything? I don't see that anymore. That is calling God a liar. I was made in his image. I am beautiful, loving, strong, smart, kind, helpful.
I have bad days, but I think it's God trying to pull something out of me that I didn't know was there. Think about it. How else do you grow if not by having those hard days?
He is so good and so faithful. He has placed loving parents who pray for me daily. A husband who supports me and allows me to grow as an individual and go chase my goals and dreams.
Having those things are more precious to me than anything. I am so blessed. So thankful. So humbled.
I'm just a girl, who puts on foot in front of the other.
Philippians 4:12-14 (NIV) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, wether well fed or hungry, wether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! All of you have been so supportive and sweet. Offering insight and wisdom into my life. I'm so thankful to share this life with all of you. From my struggle to conceive, to losing weight, to realizing dreams and hard work go hand in hand. You guys are amazing.
-Audra
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