Lately

Hey guys,

I hope everyone has been well. My parents came down last week so I was off having fun with them and my nephew Neal. We did go tubing down Blackwater River. I had a good time. After about 30 minutes downstream it started raining and rained for the next 2 1/2 hours for the remainder of the float, haha. It was nice and refreshing rain though and we were already wet and in our swim clothes anyway. :) The guys on the last day went on a Charter fishing tour out in the gulf. They had tons of fun and James wants to take everyone who visits us now. They even had a dolphin come up to the boat and steal the fish they had on their line! How awesome would that be to see!

My mom brought down my mom's old sewing machine and I bought several patters on sale and am hoping to start learning some things. Unfortunately all I learned how to do was thread the machine and place the bobbin in. I hope to be having some skype lessons with my mom.

Last time I blogged I talked about how lately I am feeling like I am in slow motion and everyone is passing me by. Well I'm about to get really honest with you about something I am struggling with. I have been feeling somewhat depressed lately. I am going to go ahead and blame it on hormones. I am still somewhat close minded on depression. It seems everyone has it and relies on medication to help them. If medicine can do this, great. I however am on hormones to help get pregnant. So of course I have a hormone imbalance now. I was having some really dark thoughts and went ahead and told James about them. He is really a great guy at his core. I was just questioning everything about my life.

I went to my life group on Sunday which I basically think of as Sunday school and we are going back to basic Bible truths. It was just what I needed to hear. We read in  Colossians 1:16 Christ is the one through whom God created everything in heaven and earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can't see- kings, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities. Everything has been created through him and for him. 
We kept reading on till verse 23. You should look it up and read it. Let me know what you think about it. We sat there and discussed verse 16 for awhile though. I was really amazed when we read it. It just brought tears to my eyes. Here I was just the night before talking with James about not having a sense of purpose, and BAM. God says HE created me. Everything was created through him and FOR him. Those are the parts that stuck out to me. I used to think of God as my father. My Dad was the person I loved the most in this world so I related God to my Dad. Now The person I love most in this world is my husband. So this may sound crazy but I feel like I should love God with as much passion that I love my husband with. I think that God loves me not only like a daughter but he loves me in EVERY way possible. God is love. He is also a jealous God and I feel that he wants me to love him every way that I know how.  I long to be a pleasing wife and give my husband the respect he deserves and so when I look back at the verse and see that I was created FOR God. I want to be pleasing to God too. I don't want to be disobedient or irreverent. It is just crazy to me. Maybe it's weird that I am interpreting the verse that way.

Something that I also struggle with is reading my Bible. Some weeks the only time my Bible is open is on Sunday morning. How can I have a relationship with God and not listen to him. It's like I'm a bad friend who only does the talking and never listens. I am always amazed when something from the Bible hits me square between the eyes. I'm like "Wow God! That is so good."
He is prolly like "Ya think Audra? I mean I'm only God." I like to think that God has a sense on humor and is sometimes sarcastic. We were created in his image after all. ;)

That's what has been going on with me. I didn't end up going to the doctor to get my pregnancy test done yet. Maybe I will do that tomorrow. I don't think I am though. So I will most likely take my last round of clomid. Hang on James! Just one more round. Please pray for me and for us that these hormones won't get the best of me.  

On another note. While my parents were here we had some awesome food. One of my favorite things we had was Olive Garden salad! James got the idea when he saw the peppers in the pickle isle. I thought it was a great idea. We got the lettuce, olives, onion, peppers, shredded italian cheeses, and my mom brought some home grown roma tomatoes. We bought a 17 oz bottle of italain dressing from Olive Garden for only $5. I thought that was a descent price since it is AMAZING! :) It was so good and I hope I made you hungry.

Enjoy the rest of your week! I love you all!