This is my testimony that was shared with my church on May 1st 2011. I was baptized just after this was read.
I have been good most of my life. I was raised going to church and have mostly lived a responsible life. I was saved* and baptized when I was 9 years old. I was very involved with my youth group and was even called “the goody-goody church girl” at school.
My junior year in high school I became angry with God. Everyone was dating and having fun and I was just going to church. I never did any drastic partying or drugs. I simply let myself fall in love, and gave myself away.
Over the past six years, I was running from God for at least five of them. I was a good person, everything I did I justified comparing myself to the worlds standards. By God’s standards though, I was still a sinner, still separated from HIM.
It has always been in my dark times when I call out to Jesus. He has never failed me. However, as soon as I considered myself fixed then I would be right back making other people my god.
About a year and a half ago, I was fed up with myself. I have tried time and time again to fix things myself. This time instead of crying out to God in desperation I started talking to him. I told him what I was sick of. I told him my feelings, my fears, my frustrations. As I was talking, I felt loved and understood. I realized I have never really had a relationship with Jesus until that day. I prayed to him all the time, but I never talked to him like that. Like he was my friend.
Today I stand before all of you confessing that I am a sinner, knowing that Christ died for me and was raised again. I have accepted Him into my heart and know that I am forgiven and loved.
* In my real testimony I said that I was saved when I was nine. Behind the scenes just before being baptized my pastor asked me, "Audra, were you saved when you were nine or were you saved a year and half ago?" I was stunned by this question and really wanted to be baptized that morning because my husband came with me. It really meant a lot to me that he was there and by golly I was going to be baptized! So I told the pastor that I was saved a year and a half ago, so then we took out the word saved from this spot.
However, I do not believe in once saved always saved. I do not know what my pastor believes. I believe with all my heart that I asked Jesus to come into my life when I was nine years old. I do know that when I was about 17 I deliberately turned my back on God and made choices that did not reflect who Christ is. I believe that if I were to have died during that 5 year period I would not have went to heaven. I know that sounds so harsh but it is true. Isaiah 59:1-2 Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.
We also see this in Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death...
I also want you to know that I am not upset with my pastor for asking to change the wording. I'm sure that it would have confused people. I just want all of you to know my real story. I believe that my pastor is a great man of God and I am learning a lot.
On another note, I also want to say that I think it is important if you are a Christian to find a good church home. Many people think it is ok to watch church on TV and say that you went to church or read your little devotional and that is all you consider “church.” Those things are in fact great things to do. I think you are missing out on many great relationships and great teachings. That is what Pastors do. They teach and minister and we grow in Christ. Ephesians 4: 11-12 says: So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.
So you see, there is a reason believers get together to go to church. A good pastor will help to equip you with the knowledge of Christ so you can lift him up and the entire body of Christ. WE are the body.
If you believe you can't find a church home where you fit or that the people will judge you and churches are filled with a bunch of hypocrites, I would encourage you to look again. Churches are filled with people. People are people. We make mistakes, we judge by our very human nature, don't you at times? There are people within the church who are like that at almost any church in America. However there are also some of the most genuine loving, broken for the Lord people as well. I hate for you to miss out on a great friendship because you may have been hurt in the past or feel there is no one "real."
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