Equality

Abraham Lincoln said that all men are created equal. I agree, we are created by God as human beings and we all have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I was thinking about this while at work today. I have told you all before that I work at the gym on base. I am a cleaning lady. I collect all the nasty sweaty towels, wash and dry them, fold them. I refill all the disinfectant spray bottles, clean the windows and doors almost every five minutes because someone always likes to use their grimy hands or worse, their entire sweaty torso to open the door. I empty the trash, sweep the gym, and vacuum the group fitness studio, cardio and weight area, and occasionally the spin studio. (Another girl who works with me likes doing the deep cleaning of the spin room. Hey, knock yourself out girly!) I do not do all of this everyday or by myself. Almost all of this is done everyday though, oh, and the racquetball courts. They have to be swept and the glass has to be cleaned, but mostly the night crew does that.
Today I didn't want to or plan to vacuum. It looked so nice this morning at 4:45 the ugly rubber hunter green floor seemed to glisten. Around 8:30 a trainer came up to me to tell me that it looked like someone had stomped their feet off right at the end of a treadmill. I pull out the broom planning to just spot sweet these big areas. Nope can't really spot sweep when the entire gym seemes to be covered in sand. I realize that we are right on the beach and so some sand is going to be there. I would really like to talk to whoever chose the green rubber floor. They do in fact make rubber gym flooring in a beige color, it would disguise the sand so much better. I guess they really wanted to know that people like me are doing our jobs of cleaning those floors. I get it, I guess. It is easier to clean if you can see what it is your cleaning, but I would still vacuum if the floor was beige and it wouldn't look so desperately dirty either.
So I pull out the vacuum. The vacuum is like the one on Ghostbusters, it is a backpack. It's pretty cool and I get around with it ok. It does get hot and can hurt my back after about an hour, but I still feel pretty cool when I wear it. Until I see some gorgeous girl with her trim gym body, then I feel a little foolish.
I start vacuuming and getting up all this dreadful sand. I start thinking about these people who tracked in this mountain of sand. Who are they? Do they seriously think it is ok to dump out sand in a building? How could someone be so inconsiderate? It is job security for me so I guess I should be grateful to these people who make the gym dirty, but really, I'm not. Who do you think you are Mr.Sandman!? I am not your personal cleaning lady!
Then I start thinking about equality. Mr. Sandman, I know just views me as the cleaning lady. Thats fine. It is in fact what I do for a living. However, just because I clean up your sand, and sweat does not mean I am less of a person, less of a human. I see it all the time when people ask what I do. "Oh, you work?" "Yes, I work at the gym. I'm a cleaning lady." "oh" Haha, and that's it, end of topic. That never happened when I was a dental assistant. They would always ask what doctor I worked with, how I liked it, or even if I knew about some tooth issue they had.
Then I started thinking about how people view each other. Yes, we are in fact equal as human beings. However, I have become painstakingly aware of the American class system. We are divided mostly by wealth and education, but also what we do for a living and even how we look. I could be the best paid cleaning lady in the world, (I wish!) but still their would be people who would stick up their nose to that, even if I made more money than them. I do this too, I'm not proud of it. Oh and speaking of looks, when I take the time and put hot rollers in my hair and do my make-up nicely people are nicer to me. Seriously, the same gym patrons who see me Mon-Fri are more interested in me when I look better. They smile at me and try to make conversation. (This is regular conversation by the way, no one is flirting or anything like that, they are just nicer when I look nicer.) When I go in as regular Audra, they just go on about their work-out.
I am blogging about this because I think that the more aware we become of how we see and do things the more apt we are to make changes where we need to. I guess I'm bringing to light my own faults and judgments. Becoming a cleaning lady has made me realize that I in fact do judge people who clean. I in fact am more interested in a teacher than a retail worker, or hairdresser than a cafeteria worker. That is a shame. I hope that what I learn from this is that all people, even if we aren't equal by social status, deserve respect. Not by first giving respect or earning it. Just by being. You deserve respect.
Oh, and for goodness sake, please wipe your dirty feet off before you come into my gym.

What now?

So last weeks blog was a pretty heavy topic. I really have no idea how to follow. I guess this blog entry will be pretty pointless, but I don't want my blog to turn serious and that be it. I want to keep this blog "me style." Sometimes personal and serious, but mostly light. *Also thanks everyone for your support.

This week not too much happened. I did actually work out on Friday. Go me! :)  (I think blogging about how I don't work out made me want to.)  I took this class called 20/20/20. It is 20 min of cardio, 20 min core training, and 20 min of something I can't remember. Pretty much torture. I was sore for the entire weekend. It hurt to laugh, sit on the toilet, sit down, get back up, lay down, roll out of bed. It even hurt to stand. I was proud of myself though. I plan to take it again next Friday. The bonus of working at a gym, I got to take this class on the clock! Awesome. I got paid to work out. I don't want to take advantage of my co-workers though so I plan to just take one class a week on the clock. I hope that talking about this doesn't jinx it and then I end up skipping it or coming up with some lame excuse.

Saturday I spent the day watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, napping, and then I got motivated to clean the whole house. It had been a long time coming. (You don't even want to know how long it was) I was just waiting for that cleaning bug to catch up to me. I wish it would come around more often and no I don't want to share it when I catch it. I need that bug to stay. ;) I felt better after it was done. Accomplished. I like having a clean house but I have just been so exhausted, just physically drained, that I haven't kept up with it like I like.

Sunday after church, James and I went grocery shopping and then to the beach. We met up with some friends and had a really nice time. Then we brought the sand back in the house and now I could clean the whole house again. I guess thats how it goes though. :) I'm off work tomorrow so maybe the bug will come back....hahaha.

Why am I Happy?

Why am I happy the way I am? Truth is, I'm not. I'm just tired of trying and things not working.

About two years ago I was reading a fitness magazine. This magazine talked about all the types of tests you need to have done in your life and at what age you can start getting tested for things. It said that you should have your blood sugar and cholesterol checked at age twenty. I was already twenty-three so I made an appointment. Cholesterol good, blood sugar a little high. No big deal. Then I connected it with other female issues I have/had in past called the doc up and BAM diagnosis. Got meds, started exercising, eating right and life is good. I lose a couple pounds and thats it.

Well not exactly. I was diagnosed with PCOS. (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) After I told some people about this I was actually surprised to find that more people have this than I thought. I'm not special. When it comes to medical stuff thats good though, that means the doctors know how to help me cope with this.

http://pcos.about.com/od/pcos101/a/pcosymptoms.htm

These are the symptoms that led up to me talking to my doctor about it. I had all the physically noticeable signs of this but none of the blood tests. Facial hair, skin tags, dark patches of skin on my neck, being overweight. (Yup, I'm real attractive!)

So I got this med for the blood sugar and it is supposed to make everything fall into place and things start changing. Along with diet and exercise of course. So I take this medicine and do everything right for about a full year, the only thing that changes is I become regular. (Just what you wanted to know right? Well I guess thats what you get for giving me your email to get updates on my life! Haha, sucker!)

So this past summer I moved across the ocean and stop everything. Don't take the meds, don't work out, don't eat right. Back to square one. Next time I go to the doc she gives me a slap on the wrist gives me more of the same meds, sets me up with a nutritionist, and tells me to start taking my temperature daily. (to see when I'm ovulating, yes we are trying to have a baby.) She is trying to set me up for success. Now the things she doesn't see is that I'm tired. The only thing I have done that she told me to do is take my temp. She said it should go up a full degree when it's my time. Well I haven't seen that happen. I'm confused. It varies but never spikes for one day. I will talk with her about this at the office, no need to tell me what I'm doing wrong or what you think is going on. I'm just talking here.

I want a baby. Plain and simple. I have wanted one for some time now. I am 25, so I know I still have time. The reason we are really trying now is because James is in the Navy. Military life really doesn't make it's plans around you. You make your plans and life around it. James is on shore duty. In the 6 years he has been in this is his first duty station where he is not attached to a ship that could go out to sea for six months there or 2 weeks here. Basically sea duty is not conducive to starting a family.  Shore duty is awesome. So far he has been able to come home EVERY night, even on duty days. He stands his watch and thats it. It is fabulous. (Until he gets on my nerves, hey it happens.) We are very fortunate to have shore duty until late summer of 2013! :) Then it is back to sea.
         * A sailor once told me that sailors are meant to be on ships and ships were made to in fact go out to sea. So sailors by their very name are meant to be away from their families and out in the water. This sort of stung when he said it, but it has stuck with me and actually helped me cope with James and his job, understanding that duty calls. I did in fact marry James AFTER he was in the Navy. It helps me to suck it up and be the supportive wife he needs me to be.

Back to baby.. So yes we are trying. We are taking the next steps. He is getting checked, (sorry babe for putting that out there) it's all part of it though. So why am I not doing anything else. Why am I not taking the meds or exercising, or eating right?  I don't know. I haven't been hungry for veggies, normally I am. Last night my "veggie" was peas. Peas are a starch. A starch that is good for you, but still it's not a veggie. Sorry if I ruined that for ya. Tonight we are going to have fish sticks and french fries. Sure it's not healthy but I'm really excited about it. I love fish sticks!

All back to the question, why am I happy? I don't know. I guess I'm more content with how things are right now. Does this mean I want to stop trying? Absolutely not. I still want a baby. I'm still just 25 so if it doesn't happen till I'm 27 that would be all right. I think I would be very frustrated by then but it will still be ok. I don't know. Sometimes though I see or hear about someone who is pregnant and I start tearing up because I want one so badly. I want to be a mother. Plain and simple.

I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I'm just sorting out some feelings. I disabled the comments on this post cause it's personal to me. (Yes, I am still blogging about it for the world to see if they want to. I just wanted it to be out there.) Friends who share this struggle just know that I love you and pray for you. I hope that when any of you think of me you might say a little prayer that it will happen when it's supposed to and hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Drive to my Dream

     Today started out a regular Monday. Woke up at 2:50 waiting for my alarm to go off at 3. That's typical for a Monday since I'm always afraid I will oversleep. Monday is the start of the workweek and no one likes being late on a Monday. It sets the tone for how your week is going to go.
     I show up to work on time and everything is going how it always goes. Thats all fine and dandy, but pretty boring. I thought all day about what I want to do with my life. I really have no goals. I still claim to be a dental assistant even though I haven't been chair-side in over 2 1/2 years. I don't want to volunteer and not sure I plan to go back to it. What a waste of money. (Still paying student loans) I thought that would be a for sure job that I could follow James with his Navy career around the world and always have a job. Yeah, not so much. That leaves me to daydream...
     What do I want to do? The only thing I love doing and get caught up in is organizing things. Become a professional organizer? If I knew I had a job waiting for me or the resources to somehow become a professional organizer sure. How many people seriously hire someone to organize their closet? People don't really live like on TLC's Hoarders.
     Anyways, the last paragraph has no point. Just telling you what I was thinking about at work. 
One of the perks to going to work so early is I also get off work early. 1:15pm to be exact. :) I still have the entire day to be productive. Not really since I'm usually exhausted, but that's beside the point. It's 1:15! Woo-whoo!
     James came through the door around 3:30 and I was watching last nights Army Wives. He asks me if I want to go check out the rental car. (He got in an accident last week. He is ok and it wasn't his fault. We got the rental today while ours is in the shop.) After Army Wives was over we go for a ride. It's a Nissan Altima. He is impressed that it has no key. I am impressed with the smooth drive. As we are pulling out of our housing area he asks what way I want to go. Being tired I say right. We go all the way to Alabama and I am passed out asleep.
     When I wake up we are out in the country. It reminds me of Mimi's (my mom Stacia's mom) house. We pass pastures and little houses. Gorge Strait is playing on James' Ipod. We pass a beautiful log cabin, and a man with a cutoff shirt and a camo hat in a pickup truck. James takes me to this farm I have always wanted to go to. They sell honey, eggs, plants and preserves. When we got out of the car we were greeted by three happy old farm dogs. It really was a beautiful place. The lady who lives there was out collecting eggs when we pulled up. She was so friendly. We ended up buying some honey and a jar of blueberry preserves. She gave us a pamphlet on several local farmers in the area who sell their home grown goods. I'm really excited about that.
     On the drive home it was just nice. James and I often dream and talk about where we want to grow old. What he wants to do after the Navy, that sort of thing. We both agree we want to live out somewhere like that. Out in the country, have space to just be, raise two or three kids. I imagine growing my own strawberries, tomatoes and corn. It all sounds wistful and romantic in my head. Mimi taught me different though. I know that a garden is hard work. It involves dirt, sweat, bugs, and weeds. I like to think I could handle it though, maybe if I make the kids help me. ;)
     Even though my Monday started out like any other week it ended really nice. A drive to the country, to a dream. A dream all mine, that I'm allowed to have. I love that. I'm excited to see what the rest of this week will hold.

Thanks babe for taking me away. It's moments like these that I treasure. I love you.

My not so secret secret

I am deleting my facebook account. I think I am going to be in mourning. Over the past two-three years facebook has meant a lot to me. I have watched my nieces grow, friends graduate college, some had babies. I have connected with family that I never really got to grow up with. All of this thanks to Facebook. :)

The downside that I'm scared, even embarrassed, to say is the reason I am leaving facebook. I became addicted. Truly addicted. I felt it was necessary for me to keep it to stay in touch with family while I was in Japan. Sometimes the time zone difference was too much to always call or Skype, Facebook was handy. I would get on as soon as I woke up, keep it on all day. When I would leave the house as soon as I got back I would be on to see what everyone else had done or if anyone had commented on my status. I love when I see a little red notification flag! It is so exciting to me. It became unhealthy though. I began comparing myself to others in unhealthy ways. I still do. 

Most of you know that I am a Christian. Meaning I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. (I know your thinking, "Oh great, here she brings Jesus into it!" Bear with me though, this is my blog after all.) Some might call me religious, and I times I am ashamed to say that is true. Jesus however was not religious. He IS love, he has called me TO love.  1st John 3:18 "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." (I love this entire chapter)

You all know what it is like to have relationships. You have them with your friends, family, co-workers, spouse and so on. Each relationship is different and special. Some are more pleasant, some estranged, some are intimate but the connection is there. In order to have a good working relationship there is always communication. This is where I succeeded in my facebook relationships and failed in my real life ones with Jesus, my husband, even family. I have shared most all of me for the world and not with my savior or the ones he placed closest to me in my life. 

So what does Jesus have to do with me giving up facebook? Unfortunately when I first realized I had a problem, nothing.  1st Corinthians 10:31  says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." Basically everything I do matters to him. I realized that my life hasn't been glorifying him. It is my hope that through this time without facebook, (I am not sure how long I will be off.) I will get to know my savior and glorify him in all I do. I will get to know myself, my husband, my local friends, and my family better. 

Even as I am typing this now I feel so silly. How could I be addicted to facebook? What is so wrong with seeing what everyone is up to? What is so wrong with telling everyone about my day? Really there is nothing wrong with it. It seems I have just confused the importance of things in my life. I feel this is something that I should have done a couple of months ago but didn't have the strength to. 

I guess that is all I have to say for now. Side note: Please, all of my grammatically correct friends, look over the misuse of commas, misspellings, and other errors. This is me we are talking about after all.

Happy Birthday Dad!

This picture is of me and my dad. I wish I had some pictures of us when we were younger that I could scan up here.
My dad was born on March 23, 1956. He is fifty-five years old tomorrow. :) Haha, now the whole world knows dad! I love you!
When I was a little girl my dad was my hero, wait a minute, he still is! I remember being so excited to see him when he got off work. I always tell him that my favorite time with him would be when we are driving down the road just me and him. Listening to Garth Brooks, "Chains" and "Timber I'm Falling in Love" by Patty Loveless, "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood, and lots of classic rock. We would sing at the top of our lungs and always act out the cymbals during God Bless the USA. (You know you do that too!)
I remember one time waking up at 5am to go fishing with him, as soon as we hit the water I laid out on the back of the boat and fell asleep till 8. Some fishing partner I was!
My dad is one of the hardest working men I know. He served twenty years in the Air Force. He is so proud of that and of America and what America stands for. He constantly prays for this country. He presently works hard labor at an aluminum factory, it is hot hot hot in the summer and cold in the winter. His fingertips are cracked from using his hands, evidence that even though he has some seniority he still works hard.
Another of my favorite memories was when he and my mom would tuck me in at night, after awhile it just became my dad, (mom would stick her head in the door later and say goodnight). He would always pray for me or with me, sometimes laying his hand on my head. He stopped when I was about 16, I then had a job and would get home later. I always missed it. I know that he and my mom still pray for all of us before they go to bed. It's really nice knowing that.
Tomorrow is his birthday and I hope that this entry will be a testament to not only how much I love him but to the type of man he is. The best father, a hard working man, a patriot, and a man of God.
Happy Birthday Dad, you mean the world to me!

Breakfast

I have always been told that breakfast is the most important meal to start your day. Nutritionists say if you skip breakfast, you will most likely have problems with metabolism, weight and even concentration. So why not start a blog by talking about breakfast? I don't want to skip the most important meal of the blog, so to speak. It's my first post so I think that it is important, like breakfast.
I recently changed to the morning shift at the gym I work at. If any of you know anything about gyms, you know they open early. All those morning people have to get there work out in before they go to work. I have to be at work by 4:45am. That means I am up by 3am. Sheesh, that's early! It takes me an hour to get ready, (sometimes an extra ten minutes is needed to look a little cuter) then ten to twenty minutes to eat breakfast and pack my lunch.
I have recently discovered the frozen breakfast burrito. I know they have been around for awhile, but I was always a breakfast sandwich type girl. I save about 10 minutes on my morning routine by popping that bad boy in the oven while I am still putting on my make-up and fixing my hair. Mmmm..breakfast burrito. It is genius and delicious. 
And don't worry, not every post will be about my breakfast. This blog, like most blogs I suppose, will be about my thoughts, day to day happenings and whatever else I want to type for the world to see! ;)