I LOVE my Job!

I am so blessed to love my job. I know it doesn't pay well and requires no actual skills, but I LOVE it.

I love the hours I work. Monday-Friday 4:15am-10:45am. Soon, I will be working even better hours. Monday-Friday 8am-1pm! Those are the best hours ever!!! I can sleep in until 5:30-6, (Ya, that is sleeping in for me.) work out, shower, eat breakfast and then go to work. To be off at 1 o'clock is fantastic! I can still do errands and clean and cook. (Not saying those will actually get done, I just have time to do them!)

I love what I do. I check ID's, keep the facility clean, wash and fold the towels, and most importantly, sit there and look pretty. =D

My FAVORITE part of my job though is the patrons. In the early mornings we have PT groups that come in. They call me ma'am and I actually like it. The mid-morning crew that comes in from 8-10 are my favorite. These are the retires who know my name and I know theirs. They tell me stories about the military back in the day, or their grandchildren, or talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. They also tell me I'm awfully nice to look at. I have received 2 marriage proposals. Though I know they are completely joking, I love it. I can totally be won over with flattery.

Today was my very favorite patrons birthday. Mr. Eddie. He turned 72 today. We were talking last week about how we are just a week apart and our numbers are flip-flopped this years. He is 72 and I will be 27. He comes in every Tuesday and Friday. Those are my favorite days to work. He likes to complain about this and that as a typical older person, but he is just a nice guy. I got him a birthday card today and I know he loved it. He gave me a sincere thanks and said that he loved me. Then he said if anything ever happend to my husband, he would swoop in for the steal. Ha! It made me happy to let him know that he is special to me.

It is amazing that just a year ago, doing the same thing at another facility, I was miserable. I know that life has its ups and downs and I'm thankful that I'm in an up season. I hope that you are in an up season, and if not, don't worry, it's coming.

I love you guys. Have a great weekend!

Catch a Smile, Pass a Smile

With the Holidays comes added stress. Traffic, not finding a parking space, long lines, how you are going to fit everything into the day. Well right now, I just want you to take a deep breath. Just breathe. Everything will be ok. You are alive, healthy, and blessed.

I have heard that kindess breeds kindness and hatred breeds hate. Moods are contagious. What mood are you passing on to others? I'm not saying be fake. You are all aware of my days. I'm just asking are you aware of how you make others feel? All too often, I am not. I mostly care about what is in it for me. How can you make ME feel better.

This video is about actions, small gestures of kindness. It requires no money to be kind. No one has to be nice to you first. No one even has to be nice to you after you do something nice. Being kind for the sake of being kind, without credit. Doing the right thing when no one is looking. Letting someone in front of you. Opening the door for someone. Paying for the person behind you at the drive-thru. Being patient with those retail workers who don't understand. Letting first world problems go to look at the big picture. Are you "just venting" or are you stirring the pot? Next time someone urks you, remember that your reaction and mood are visible and can be contagious. Do you like what you are passing on?

I don't want to be a pot stirrer anymore. I want to start being a person who lifts others up. I want to do it sincerely. I want to wear kindness around my neck.

Proverbs 3:3 Do not let kindess and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart

Tis the Season to be Jolly!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

My last post was pretty much a crapper. Sorry bout that. I'm human and have my days...or weeks. Sometimes I feel I should filter my posts more and other times I am glad that I am an open book. One of my pet peeves is people thinking they have to be a super-person doing it all and keeping it all together. I realize that is what we do with strangers. Friends and family on the other hand are there to support and sometimes guide you. I feel you have to allow yourself to lose it so that someone else can be there for you. Sometimes you have to let go so that God has room to show up. He won't just push his way in. He is patient. He will allow you to stumble and fall, not to cause you pain, but to let you grow. You know how your dad had to let go of the bike for you to learn how to ride it. I think it's like that. Even when dad lets go he is still close by; if you fall he is the first one there to help you back up. I thank you guys for your understanding and love.

There are some exciting things going on in the world. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Katherine, are expecting a baby! I'm so excited about it. I am such a girly girl at heart and love fairy tales and princesses. I'm excited for this royal baby!

Spoiler alert! Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite shows. (My mom wouldn't approve of this show since it seems the whole hospital is sleeping around, but it is a guilty pleasure of mine.) Meredith Grey is finally pregnant! Her character adopted last season or the season before because she has a "hostile uterus." I was so happy for them when I watched the last episode. I started crying and this is a fictional show!

The best one yet though is my cousin! My cousin, (who I won't say since I didn't get permission to blog about her!) just announced that she is pregnant yesterday! She and her sister have always been the epitome of cool to me. It may have something to do with me being the youngest cousin on that side of the family, so i naturally just looked up to them. I doubt it though. I think it has more to do with the awesomeness that runs in our genes. Anyways, Congratulations cousin! I'm thrilled for you guys and love you!

I'm wishing for this month to hurry until we go home for Christmas, then I will want it to slow down. I know we were just there for Thanksgiving but I miss my family. My mom always makes it special for me. My birthday is the 21st and I love having it so close to Christmas, especially since we are usually home for it. I know I probably ruined birthdays for my brothers since they had to make birthdays equal for us. We would get one small gift and dinner of our choice. Dinner could be at a restaurant or something homemade. Last year we went to this old time place in Kentucky where they dress up from pioneer days. They deck that place out for Christmas! They also have some mean pork chops. This year though, I think I want something homemade. Thank goodness I still have time to decide! My mom is da bomb in the kitchen. I feel loved when I eat food that she has made. She puts thought into the menu and time into preparing and love into the making. Ahhhhhhh! I'm so excited to go home! I can't wait!

Have a great week guys! I love you!

Ready for My Miracle

I have a lot to be Thankful for. However, I'm feeling toxic in my thoughts right now and want to get them out so I will get past them more quickly. I will pass them onto you so you can be the toxic one. I'm nice like that. 

I want a baby. I don't want to be patient. I don't want to get on facebook right now because yet another round of pregnancies are being announced. I know there are probably more who are waiting until Christmas to announce because that is a fun way to announce it. I know that because that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to have a pregnant Halloween costume. I wanted to announce it at Thanksgiving that I am thankful I am going to be a mommy, the way my sister-in-laws did so many Thanksgivings ago. I could still get pregnant by Christmas, but I wouldn't be far enough along to want to announce it to the world. 

I think the part that stings the most about these folks who are pregnant is they are younger than me, or not married, or just got married, or just started trying and the next day, surprise! 

Since it is technically James' account I have no reason to be on there anyway. I am though because if not I miss out on all the good stuff like pregnancy announcements! 

I hid one girl who was a former student of his. She was pregnant and it was all she would post about. "Me and so and so are having a baby!" "Oh! the baby is hungry, I have to feed him." "Not feeling well cause the little guy is making me sick" On, and on, and on, and on. Shut up. You're pregnant, I'm not. I don't like you right now.

When we go home someone always asks, "When are you guys going to have a baby?" I guess they don't realize we have been trying for the past 4 years. 

I don't mind telling people all of my business, as you can tell from this blog. There is just a time and place for crap like that and a family dinner where the baby of a teenage cousin being passed around is not that time. I also love how that teenage mother said "Shoot, I'll give you my eggs!" I have never mentioned to her or her mother anything other than, "We are trying."  Besides, the doctor loves my eggs. I have a lot of them and they all look good. Take That! Having a baby is more complicated than good eggs. 

Each and every human being is a miracle. You don't realize how much detail and how perfect the timing has to be when having a baby comes natural to you. There is only a 24 hour window when it happens. Sure there is like a 72 hour "layover" for things to get right, but only a 24 hour window for that miracle to take place. 

I'm ready for my miracle.

Well, now that I have left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. I am going to go for a walk and listen to praise music. Put on the garment of praise so I don't have to wear a mask of happiness. 

Isaiah 61:3 To consol those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. 

Lord, if anything can come out of this struggle, may you be glorified. If I am never meant to become a mother, give me peace. If James is never meant to become a father, give him peace. If the time is yet again, "not now," let it not hurt so much. I know that every good an perfect gift comes from you. Help me to focus on the other gifts you have given me and not have tunnel vision for something that you might not have in store for me. I don't want to be bitter or toxic. You are an awesome God and I thank you for saving me and getting me through this time. I don't want to just get through. I want to praise though. Thank you for being my constant. 

Fire Rising

Psalm 3:3  But you, O Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high.

I really cherish my sunday morning walks. It is a time where I don't worry about my pace. I just turn on praise and worship music and walk. (Last Sunday I walked/ran with my brother. It was some great and much needed sibling bonding time.)

This past week we didn't get the news we were hoping for fertility wise. We were hoping to see a change but it stayed the same. We are going to continue for another couple of months before we meet with the doctor again to discuss further options.

This song came on.

I just felt something that can't be explained rise up in me. I felt a call to action. I'm not sure what that call is. I don't know what God has planned for me, but i feel He wants me to get ready.

When this song came on I lost it.

I started running and sobbing at the chorus. I have no idea what is going on inside myself. As tears were streaming down my face I was just praying for God to use me in whatever way he needs me. I released those held back tears. There is something bigger than me going on and I want to be part of it. I am no longer who I once was. God is making me into a warrior.

I feel stronger physically. I am setting and reaching goals I never thought possible. I have always felt that people underestimate me. Turns out that I am the one who underestimated myself.

I have this desire to be stronger spiritually. I don't know where I'm going. I only know that for me it starts with praise. Over this next year I want to learn the spiritual truths of who I am in Christ. That is my goal. To find out who I am. Right now I am a broken mess, but I feel this fire rising.

Journey to Healthy

                                                         

                                                                           

                                                           

Well I can't figure out how to do side by side crops on iphoto and picasa takes too long so you have to compare them like this.

The before photos were taken on June 24 2012. I weighed in at 189. The after photos were taken October 21st 2012. I weighed in at 165. 

My neck measures the same, I lost 1/4 an inch on the bust, 1 inch at the waist, 1 1/2 inches on the hips, 3 1/2 inches on my thighs, and 1 inch on my arms. Measurements are from July 24-October 21st. (We didn't get proper measurements in June.) 

This picture was at my best friends wedding in May. I was my heaviest at 196.

This picture is more recent, I was feeling cute before work and snapped it to send James. I am about 167 here. 

I did this the hard way. I cut out a lot of carbs, pasta, potatoes, bread. I have PCOS which affects insulin levels, so I need to cut out those things. I exercise at least 5 days a week. I walk a lot. I try to go to a spin class twice a week. I recently started working with a trainer for strength training. I eat lots of protein and veggies. I first got started with DDP Yoga. (google it) I don't keep up with the yoga so much anymore, but if its raining outside then I'll do it. Everything I do is low impact. I don't run. I don't kill myself but I really work at it. I sweat my butt off. It's been hard, but it is working. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. :)

Let Go

During this mornings walk I was thinking about this season in my life, particularly my marriage. I am truly blessed. When James and I got married we were 19 year old kids. Now almost 27 we have come a long way. I can truly say that James is my best friend. I don't think I would have said that just 3 years ago. I never really liked those wedding decorations that say, "Today I will marry my best friend." I think I didn't like them out of jealousy. I wanted James to be my best friend, but he wasn't. We have had to learn each other and grow. Growing is usually pretty hard. It requires work, time, energy, thought.

One of the things that I used to do was nit-pick. Over everything! I can't even imagine what it was like to live with me. I do my best to let small things go now. It's just not worth it. I think the most harming thing that I did those first years of marriage was talking negatively about James to my friends. Again, this was all the time. You would have thought that I hated the man that I married and wondered why we were married. I was toxic to our marriage. Sure he wasn't perfect, the thing is, he never claimed to be. I on the other hand was the one who was really tearing us apart.

One day he made the comment that we were closer to being divorced than we were to being happily married. I was shocked. Looking back I don't know why I was so shocked. I guess just hearing it out loud was enough for me. I decided to go to counseling by myself. At first all I did was bash my husband yet again to someone else, all of our relationship issues were his fault. The counselor pretty much just gave me some communication tools and that was it. It helped for a little while.

I don't think that I really changed my tune until recently. I can't even tell you what the turning point was. I read a couple of books. "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley Jr, and "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches. They helped some.

I think it comes down to the grace of God. I got tired of being full of unforgiveness, negative thoughts, and resentment. I realized that James is a really great man. He is a man of good character. He has a big heart. We aren't those 19 year old kids anymore.

I complement him all the time now. I have never been more physically attracted to him. I tell him he is a good man, that I respect him. I love to hear what he has to say. I don't speak negatively about him. It is honestly hard for me to think of something bad to say about him. He talks to me, takes me fishing, the way that he looks at me is just amazing. I feel so loved and wanted. It's all I could ever ask for. I am truly blessed and I know it.

This was the song that I was listening to when all these thoughts came into my head.